I grew up in a traditional Lutheran home. We moved around a few times as my dad pastored different churches over the years. I never new the Lord as my Savior until my senior year in high school. Up to that point, I was hoping to get a full ride football scholarship from one of the three colleges looking at me. But that ended short with a knee injury from my first game of my senior year. I was out for the season and felt like I had no future. But in this mindset, God called me into His kingdom (the first time), my heart was changed. After high school the Lord led me to start a youth group at my local church while I was working in construction. About a year in, my dad got a job at an elderly home while he was trying to plant a church (he was unemployed before this). One Sunday, he gave me an opportunity to preach. I accepted because this was what I wanted to do in my life, become a pastor just like him. I remember him asking me if I needed help preparing, but I did not except it because this was the first time he would get to hear me preach, and I really wanted to impress him (I recognize now this was due to pride). After the message, my mom and others were telling me it was a good message (I know this is not why we preach, but my heart was set on the wrong motives). My dad came up to me during this time and whispered in my ear, “you messed up.” Then after we got in the car my mom asked him, “Didn’t David do so good?” He said something like, “Yeah, yeah, but did you here where he messed up?”  After I heard him say it again, but this time to my mom, I was so devastated I could not get it out of my head. It ended up getting so bad, to the point I could not handle the thoughts anymore. So, I decided to run away from all I knew as life and join the military.

The job I chose was Infantryman. I made it to the rank of E-5 (Sargent), and I didn’t have any plans of stopping there. My only goal was to prove to myself and the world that I was a somebody. During this time, if I heard God’s “still small voice” I would choose to do the opposite of God and His will. I became a very dark person inside and out. However, three years into my military career, I met my soon to be wife and daughter who was four at the time. I was in no way ready to be a husband and father but tried anyways because I loved them both dearly. We got married after only knowing each other for 6 weeks. In addition to this, I was going to be deployed to Afghanistan in just a few months. This was going to be my second tour in the military. During this deployment, I ended up getting medevacked home after being there about 8 months which resulted in a medical separation. Now I can see that through this, God was starting to call me back even though I had not recognized it at this time. I also had friends who lost their lives in the war, and it is still so hard to understand why I was spared. Even though I am alive with all my limbs, I have not fully “come back” in other ways. This has caused a lot of issues and problems in all areas of my life. If it was not for my wife having an intimate relationship with God, we would not be married today. In fact, I don’t think I would be here today if it was not for what God did through my wife. Paul got it right when he wrote what he did in 1 Corinthians 7:12-14 

“12 To the rest I speak, not the Lord: If any brother has an unbelieving wife who consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. 13 And if the woman has an unbelieving husband who consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband. Otherwise, your children would be unclean. But now they are holy.” 

God has used my wife to stand strong for me and my family in so many ways. We had many fights and one day it got so bad, I thought I had driven my family away. I knew she said she would never divorce me, however this time she said she wanted to separate and I feared this was serious. I was at a loss for words, so I asked God for help because I did not want to lose my wife and children. God showed up and calmed the storm (our argument) by giving me words to speak when I had none. Over the course of the next couple of months, I began to seek the Lord and try to be a better husband and father with all I had. I started helping around the house in various ways and tried with all I had to control my temper. My family was all I had left. I had driven everyone else away and I did not want to lose them too. Then, on my youngest daughter’s birthday, God met me in a way that brought more peace and joy to my life then any other time before. He also opened my spiritual eyes so I could see life in a whole new way. I chose to be baptized and recommit my life to Christ. If you were to ask me a few years ago, I would have told you no one like me would ever be able to be saved. I truly felt like I was that far gone.

Over the course of these last couple years, God has been pruning me like I never thought possible (John 15:2). He has brought brothers and sisters in the Lord for my family and I to build healthy relationships with. This also helped bring much healing and joy to our home that we did not have before. This is part of how God made His kingdom family to function, and I can see the importance of His community now.  During this process, God has been breaking many chains in my life, which I did not realize had entrapped me until now. This process has been so hard at times, I would even question if I was saved at all. How could I not handle myself when bad conflicts or disagreements would come. Some were so bad; it caused my wife to question if God’s existence was real and what point was there to even be saved if He was. So, I began to really ask myself, if I really am saved, why do I struggle so hard? It felt as if I did not have any control. I would get so upset at myself for messing up because I really tried my best to be better. This frustration with myself was so overwhelming I had smashed my head into a post, punched a hole in the wall and broke/thrown many things. If that was not enough, I had another extreme breakdown, but this time it almost took me out. I felt so defeated with no more options in life. I don’t even know how many times I have felt this way, but now I had been so broken I had no more strength to keep fighting. This time the Lord led me to call someone I barely knew from a youth retreat I had just attended about a year prior. I did not know much about this man, but I knew he loved the Lord. This conversation was a God send, because it paved the way for another season of healing in my life that I really needed. 

Since that day, Christ has continued to be faithful by giving me the strength to stand. If you are going through anything similar or even in a different way, please know that God loves you very much. He truly has your very best interest in mind, even if it currently does not feel that way. Also reach out for prayer and support from someone that truly loves God and would be happy to help you carry this burden (Galatians 6:2 Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ). We are all in this together!